Maybe this goes without saying, but whether or not a woman makes the choice to publicly acknowledge that she has been sexually assaulted, intimidated, or harassed is up to her.
Yes, there are consequences if victims stay silent, but I am not comfortable assuming that if enough women came forward, the problem would go away.
Why not?
BECAUSE WOMEN ARE NOT CAUSING THE PROBLEM!
(OK, sorry for all caps.)
But if we’re not careful, this “me too” can become just an updated version of blaming the victim.
So when will the problem go away?
When men (and women) are not rewarded and celebrated for aggression. And this is up to all of us, to create a society that values respect and consideration for others, rather than domination. When we elect leaders who do not peddle aggression, when we work together in our communities, and listen to others' experiences.
I am glad women are posting "me too", because it helps us all to listen to those experiences. I think it may do a lot of good, for themselves and others, because speaking generally, silence does not help to heal from abuse. But when people in power are abusing that power, those who share that power must speak out, otherwise the process is terribly slow. Look at how long it took for the abuse by catholic priests to be addressed. Think of how differently that could have gone had more priests come forward to speak against it.
So instead of calling out actresses (or opera singers!) to make themselves even more vulnerable in industries where frankly they already have very little clout, we might do better to focus on the cohorts of the abusers.
What I really want to see is thousands of posts from men saying, “I knew”.
So to any women out there who for whatever reason do not feel it would help their healing or recovery to speak out, or who do not feel comfortable, safe, or simply do not want to share those experiences in the public sphere, these are the women I most want to speak to right now.
And to them, I say, “me too.”
Yes, there are consequences if victims stay silent, but I am not comfortable assuming that if enough women came forward, the problem would go away.
Why not?
BECAUSE WOMEN ARE NOT CAUSING THE PROBLEM!
(OK, sorry for all caps.)
But if we’re not careful, this “me too” can become just an updated version of blaming the victim.
So when will the problem go away?
When men (and women) are not rewarded and celebrated for aggression. And this is up to all of us, to create a society that values respect and consideration for others, rather than domination. When we elect leaders who do not peddle aggression, when we work together in our communities, and listen to others' experiences.
I am glad women are posting "me too", because it helps us all to listen to those experiences. I think it may do a lot of good, for themselves and others, because speaking generally, silence does not help to heal from abuse. But when people in power are abusing that power, those who share that power must speak out, otherwise the process is terribly slow. Look at how long it took for the abuse by catholic priests to be addressed. Think of how differently that could have gone had more priests come forward to speak against it.
So instead of calling out actresses (or opera singers!) to make themselves even more vulnerable in industries where frankly they already have very little clout, we might do better to focus on the cohorts of the abusers.
What I really want to see is thousands of posts from men saying, “I knew”.
So to any women out there who for whatever reason do not feel it would help their healing or recovery to speak out, or who do not feel comfortable, safe, or simply do not want to share those experiences in the public sphere, these are the women I most want to speak to right now.
And to them, I say, “me too.”
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